didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
