I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize