I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
