this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
