Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
only if we run a train.
done.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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