I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
