good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
