my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
