Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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