Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
