Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
