Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
