I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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