theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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