Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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