If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
