I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I want a musical about memes.
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