We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
