Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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