I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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