well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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