Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
