The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize