awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
