evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
