On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
