I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
