i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
