I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
