This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Enjoy the penises
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
