i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
