craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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