You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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