i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
