its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
