I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize