It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I smell stomach acid.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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