Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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