In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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