Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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