He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
