im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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