I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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