Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we're so committed to being not committed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
