I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
