In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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