i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
