Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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