you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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