when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
