I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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