chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have aggressive nipples.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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