I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
