Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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