I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My bed smells like the plague
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize