i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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