I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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