Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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