why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You can't just leave with hair like that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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