so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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