Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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