I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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