1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dignity is for republicans.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
