I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
