She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
