I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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