as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
