My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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