I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
