insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
