Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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