I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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