Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
