I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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