So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love accidental penises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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