So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
