I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize