I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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