I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
