Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
