did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
