OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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