Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
