I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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