Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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