It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
