whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
