guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
