I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
