Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
