so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
