the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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