Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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