i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Someone signed my nipple.
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