seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize