So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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