I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
