ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I am morally bankrupt
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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