i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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