Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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