i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize