he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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