I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
