so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
