Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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