All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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