ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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