the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
