: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
