i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
